It has been a long time since I've done any blogging primarily because I had not created the time for it.
"Creation of time", like all of time, is an illusionary construct designed to confuse linear-minded beings into thinking time only moves in one direction - that time is a line and that there is a beginning and an end when in reality time is nonlinear and goes on forever. This can be best expressed by saying that you can do or be anything or anyone that you want to be. Your possibilities are apparently endless. Your options are greater than ever before. The availability of information at our collective Internet-connected disposals is so far beyond anything that a human being can even imagine, so how does one decide on which path to go down?
Many people seem to merely accept the circumstances that they are born into. They allow themselves to be defined by their circumstances. They wear the mold of their environment as a badge of honor or something to be proud of when they really had no choice of things such as who their parents are; where they were born; the level of technological progress at the time; their siblings; their genetics;
Indeed, these are things about ourselves that we cannot change at birth. They are static constant variables that define the environment of our "Big Bang". They are the cosmic background radiation of our Universe. So...how can anyone rationally justify the adoration or identification with these things about ourselves that we had no choice in the matter of?
It makes no sense to have "White pride" or "Black pride" or any "pride" whatsoever regarding skin color or cultural heritage because these are things that one is born into. You had no choice. This is the character that you rolled at creation. To what is it owed any one single person adoration of that which they did not "do"? You didn't do anything to be "white" or "black". You sat on your lazy ass at creation until you got shot out and began crying like most normal infants do. Your randomly-chosen parameters are the equivalent of a cosmic dice-roll that you didn't even choose to participate in either. So, why take pride in it?
Technically, our genetic lineage is the most alien thing about us. The alignment of its chemical alphabet reveals information relating to disease and wellness; of physical traits and disorders. The knowledge about ourselves that it provides helps countless human beings improve their quality of life every day. You literally rolled some dice. You got a hand dealt to you. You didn't choose any of it and a lot of it you won't even know for a long time after you are born.
Now, that aside, if one cannot take pride in one's genetic ancestry, then what about cultural heritage? Culture is also a random function. It is a bunch of random variables that get set during World creation where the history from time zero to time now gets written out. This very blog post is a reflection of this concept. I don't even know why my brain operates this way. I don't actively "think" about presentation or even attempting to deceive anyone. I just am the way that I am and that is that. I can't take pride in that.
If anything, I think people mean to say that they are happy in the act of creation. Creation is a powerful force - far more powerful than anything else on this planet. You can see it everywhere. It is the breath of civilization. It is the dawn of time. You know what it is. It is fucking. I would like to think that, for most people, when you are fucking - you are happy. However, the human drama is complicated, and I have been witness to many for whom that was not true. Just because you "have someone" does not mean that you are happy. I have watched miserable people stay together; trapped inside of their own minds, for if they knew how to switch modes, we could all live together in harmony.
People can also be cruel. Many are uncompromising. They lie, cheat, and steal. They rob the innocent and harm the weak. They manipulate. They hate. They make suffering. Many times, people hurt others totally unintentionally and on accident. Not everything is so black-and-white. People have a lot less control than they could have. Many are victims of circumstance. Many become the actors of their own destruction. When you're deep into a series of bad decisions, it becomes difficult to find a way out.
I feel as if I have deeply penetrated into my own mind in order to obtain more direct control over my ability to directly manipulate the flow of reality itself by collapsing my own brain's quantum waves to navigate me into realities that are more pleasant and stable in terms of long-term growth and sustainability for my genetic line. I've often worried that I'd have difficulty competing with men who are much larger and apparently genetically fit than myself. I am only five feet one inch, and approximately one hundred and twenty pounds in weight. I am told that my eyes are pretty quite often, but eyes are only one part of a multi-variable equation of attraction. Going to a bar or talking to someone online - either way - is a cultural exchange of ideas. You go presenting a (hopefully) good-representative of yourself, knowing full-well to be on your best behavior. Limit drink intake as to maintain control of how far into the sea you fall before coming back up for air. Repeat until you have something. When you have something, it is your choice to maintain. Some institute catch-and-release programs. As some might say: "Hit it and quit it". Others marry fast. I think it is important to be clear from the onset what a thing is. Otherwise, you might have people on different pages and making assumptions about what you are together.
People lie to themselves all the time.
It is best to avoid pride at all if you can avoid it. We experience joy when completing project elements. This is different from pride. Pride is a demon. It is a life-siphoning force stealing energy away from areas where it is better-applied. My entire life-game is centered around optimization of choice. It does not pay to take pride in your work. Your work is often used for the benefit of others'. Your work's value should be reflected by what you are paid, but often you are paid only a fraction of your work's value. If you knew that you could be earning more - and thus, providing more structural foundation to your future - wouldn't you?
This is why "patience is a virtue". It pays to hold-out. It pays to survey the field. It pays to wait. Waiting is big-money. It is where all the serious work gets done. This sounds crazy (and believe me - it is), but waiting is where the technology industries are headed. I may not just mean "sitting on your ass doing nothing" in addition to using clever wordplay, but I might also be referring to waiting tables. It is possible to wait, figuratively and literally. Waiting puts food on the table.
While you wait, ideas flourish. Sitting down and meditating is a way to clear your mind. When your mind is clear, everything flows. The mind can become clogged with unnecessary information. Sometimes a tree of ideas needs to be pruned. Healthy ideas will flourish. Unhealthy ones will be pruned away. Regular maintenance of the garden of your mind must be performed. Otherwise, you will experience overgrowth of bad ideas and perhaps get yourself into trouble - trouble that would have been avoided by a few good choices.
This is why I enjoy development: You get to bring ideas to life through code. That is amazing and always will be to me. However, having worked "for the man" for so long, I have found myself exhausted by the thought of even getting my own ideas off the ground - and I don't want that to be the case. I have tributes to work on - a game that is to be my role-playing game contribution to the World. It is to be an example of good UI/UX and modular design done in an old-school way.
I have to create time for my game.
The best way to create time is to wait. You need better work income than your current means allow in order to upgrade your situation. The best way to accomplish this and to create time for your game is to wait. Start stashing cash. Invest in stocks and cryptocoins. Get your numbers up. Continue to workout and meditate. Eat healthy. Take your medications everyday.
Keep working on Project Euler. It is oldschool and challenging-enough to have stalled you this long.
I'm not sure about C versus C++. I do agree that C++'s error messages are sometimes ridiculous. C's error messages at least directly address the actual problem.
Python environments are sometimes difficult to setup properly. When you have multiple versions installed on a system, it becomes complicated quickly. Sometimes it is best to just uninstall everything and start from scratch. I don't have time for that now but I am still keeping it in mind.
Design first - code second.
Everything else will follow.